| A-Z |
[05 Aug 2009|06:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 peaceful |
] |
A is for age:
I am 21
B is for booze of choice:
Pina Coloada or Cabo Wabo Ritas
C is for career:
Working on it dude... Here's what I've got so far. nurse practitioner then join the peace corps for 2 years
D is for Dad's name:
He goes by Bill, but it's really William
E is for essential items to bring to a party:
candy and drinks. and duh.. Mexican food from work
F is for favorite song at the moment:
Drake- Best I ever had
G is for favorite game:
Dominoes
H is for hometown:
New York, New York (95th and Madison)
I is for instruments you play:
I really, really want to learn to play the harp, because it is so soothing, and I want to be able to put my babies to sleep playing and singing for them (when I have babies, that is).
J is for jam or jelly you do not like:
yum
K is for kids:
I hope to have a flesh and blood but adopting would be equally badass.
L is for living arrangements:
1 bed 1 bath apartment in Houston
M is for mom's name:
Cheryl.
N is for name of your pet:
Saylor
O is for overnight hospital stays:
Blah.
P is for phobias:
I am really scared of roaches and ghosts, haha, that looks ridiculous on paper.
Q is for quotes you like:
"Worry is the misuse of imagination" Saw it ona sign on a church I drive by everyday, and right now it's kind of my mantra to get me through this job thing...
R is for religion:
Christian, not sure.... I don't think that's an important question
S is for favorite soda:
Sprite
T is for time you wake up:
Dude I'm so not a morning person it's 2am right now, ha
U is for umbrella:
worthless
V is for vegetable you love:
I love all vegetables, but my fave is definitely avocado, i could eat it on anything, seriously.....
W is for weapon of choice:
knumbchucks
X is for x-rays you've had:
The usuals (teeth), but also on my back when I broke my coccyx on a concrete floor, legs, arms, wrists, collar bones
Y is for yummy foods you make:
Desserts are my favorite to make, and a make pretty badass salads.
Z is for zodiac sign:
Capricorn.
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| Drink this |
[05 Aug 2009|05:51am] |
|
"Jamaica Juice" (rum, splints of sugar cane, tea bag & some lovely leaves)
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| hard decisions |
[29 Apr 2009|03:46pm] |
I'm finally able to relax.
it feels a bit peculiar
but at least i know deep down that it will get easier
& im used to it by now
i have faith
& i like it
<3
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| nope. |
[06 Mar 2009|10:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
i will not eat tomorrow.
not one fucking bite.
goodnight.
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| nothingness. |
[06 Mar 2009|10:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
all i can control is my eating.
i'm sickly addicted to my own flesh and bones and muscles sticking out.
my body is taking a tole and i just want to be normal.
but i strive to "look" like a perfectionist.
outsiders could never comprehend how much i struggle with food everyday
it's just inconceivable how guilty i feel. i promised myself it would never get this bad. and now it has and the fear i have that it's too late to ever think semi "normal" is completly out of the question which makes my eat even more dangerously.
as this fucking disease (my hidden side) progressively spiral out of control, on the other hand, my grades, outward appearance and work ethic improve. they both play feed in to each other. the more i starve the harder i work. The more i work, the hungrier i get till it's a huge binge and i feel like i have no self-control. i feel like i'm doomed and a huge hazard to myself .
i really don't feel like many people understand me, even those who suffer from eating disorders. i doubt many people understand what it's like to struggle with food and feel guilty every second of the day.
i'm seeing a therapist as of Thursday.
she told me to journal more.
however, other than that simple suggestion. she seems like a retard and the only reason i am going is because my DAD expressed concern about my weight loss. (size 0's are now to big on me). i still feel awkward, not fat, just like my stomach always sticks out when i eat. even salad. these are toxic fucking ideas.
why am i caught up in this vain bullshit.
HELP
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|
[27 Feb 2009|04:35pm] |
a membership to 24hr fitness is hands down the best investment i've yet to make this year.
adios flub.
i'm off to the gym.
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| anatomy and phisology |
[22 Feb 2009|12:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
great, this is by far the hardest material i've ever encountered.
350 notecards down and im not even half way through the material.
test Wednesday.
stress level is starting to peak, ha.
i want to go running so bad but i can't turn away from the books.
gotta love caffeine and arizona green tea
chris and i:
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| We just don't get it. |
[21 Feb 2009|02:04am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
peaceful |
] |
look at the headlines noawadays.
chron.com. my homepage, for instance.
has there always been.. will there always be this much evil existing in this world?
"Inquiries sought to link troubled bank, drug cartels —Authorities for years have investigated R. Allen Stanford, looking for ties to organized drug cartels and money laundering. But no one has been able to make a case."
"Complete coverage of Stanford Financial case"
"Investors get information but not access to cash"
"Juarez police chief says he’s quitting under gang threats"
"Gunfight near Mexican school leaves pupils traumatized 12:48 AM"
"Broken-down Astrodome may have seen its last rodeo"
"Army was aware of bad morale among Houston recruiters"
"Steroid tests turn up 11 violators in Texas high schools"
"Kidnap count filed in Harris Co. in abduction of girl, 4 11:57 PM"
"Racial stereotypes stump cartoonists drawing Obama 12:30 AM"
"Vexing valves mean shuttle launch is delayed once again"
-----
drugs, cash, gangs, trauma, broken, bad morale, abductions, delays. when will it end? will we ever get it?
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| I just love my life |
[15 Feb 2009|09:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
Persnickety, flibbertigibbet, lollygag.
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|
| from www.chron.com |
[07 Feb 2009|12:33pm] |
White House, DEA sending different signals on medical marijuana
By DEVLIN BARRETT Associated Press
Feb. 7, 2009, 11:42AM
WASHINGTON — The White House won’t say it explicitly. Neither will the Drug Enforcement Administration. Yet there is a whiff in the air that U.S. policy is about to change when it comes to medical marijuana.
The message is clear, said UCLA professor Mark Kleiman, a former Justice Department official and an expert on crime and drug policy.
“It is no longer federal policy to beat up on hippies,” said Kleiman.
Tell that to the DEA.
In California this past week, agents raided four dispensaries in Los Angeles and seized 500 pounds of pot.
“It’s a little bit surprising, because I think current DEA management didn’t get the message,” said Kleiman. “The message is, this is no longer drug warrior time. We are not on a cultural crusade against pot-smoking.”
California law permits the sale of marijuana for medical purposes, though it is still against federal law.
Thirteen states have laws permitting medicinal use of marijuana. California is unique among them for the presence of dispensaries, businesses that sell marijuana and even advertise their services. Legal under California law, such dispensaries are still illegal under federal law.
“Anyone possessing, distributing or cultivating marijuana for any reason is in violation of federal law,” Sarah Pullen, a DEA spokeswoman in Los Angeles, said Thursday.
That may be the law, but it contradicts the medical marijuana position of the new president.
“The president believes that federal resources should not be used to circumvent state laws, and as he continues to appoint senior leadership to fill out the ranks of the federal government, he expects them to review their policies with that in mind,” said White House spokesman Nick Shapiro, repeating past statements.
So on Friday, DEA officials in Washington declined to comment at all on the subject.
As a presidential candidate, Obama repeatedly promised a change in federal drug policy in situations where state laws allow use of medical marijuana.
“I think the basic concept of using medical marijuana for the same purposes and with the same controls as other drugs prescribed by doctors, I think that’s entirely appropriate,” Obama told the Mail Tribune of Medford, Ore., in March.
A year earlier at a campaign stop in New Hampshire, Obama said: “I would not have the Justice Department prosecuting and raiding medical marijuana users.”
At age 47, Obama is part of a generation that had plenty of exposure to pot.
In his memoir, Dreams from My Father, he described time spent as a youth struggling with questions about his race and identity, and turning to drugs — including marijuana and cocaine — to “push questions of who I was out of my mind.”
The new president is unlikely to make any official change in policy before he has a new DEA chief and drug czar in place.
Yet experts believe it is already clear the Obama administration will change the strategy, if not the law, on medical marijuana.
Philip Heymann, a former deputy attorney general in the Clinton administration who is now a Harvard professor, said it’s time for the agency to put more effort into fighting drugs more dangerous than marijuana.
“I do expect him to appoint an administrator who takes marijuana less seriously than is traditional for the DEA, as I think most Americans do,” said Heymann.
Heymann said he expects the Obama administration will eventually instruct the DEA to emphatically scale back raids on dispensaries, and conduct such raids only in instances where investigators believe a business is abusing the dispensary system as a cover for other criminal behavior.
So last week’s raids in California may be the last of their kind.
“The DEA’s not likely to want to confront a new president,” said Heymann. “It may simply be that they’re behaving as they have traditionally, and they haven’t anticipated the change Obama and his spokesman are signaling.”
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| keep this in mind. |
[04 Feb 2009|11:16am] |
You will only be satisfied with God. Try as you will, nothing else works. Not career. Not the dream house. Not more income. Not travel. Not sports. Not a sleeker body. Not marriage. Not stuff.
Only God.
God is oxygen for your soul.
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|
[01 Feb 2009|03:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
9.45 FM |
] |
i'm not afraid of dying anymore.
college is awesome. my awareness continues to grow and i won't let it stop.
today, i'm thankful for self control and consistency.
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| ABCs |
[12 Jan 2009|02:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
mellow |
] |
A is for Alexandra
My legal name.
B is for boredom
I need some hobbies besides work, working out, and obsessing over my boyfriend.
C is for Chris
My younger brother, the marine.
D is for dedication
I'm 21 now and I'm more motivated than ever to contribute to this world.
E is for energy
I never have enough
F is for fear
Fear of failure
G is for generosity
I'm a definite giver
H is for high
:D
I is for idiots
Seriously, some people need to go back to elementary school.
J is for Jesus
I'm a believer
K is for koala bears
My favorite animal
L is for love
It's what makes the world go round
M is for Mom.
I want to make her life easy one day
N is for New York, New York.
One day, i will return to my hometown
O is for ocean.
I can't wait to see the Pacific when I'm in San Diego!!!
P is for purpose.
I know my life is meaningful sometimes.
Q is for quilt
That is keeping me warm
R is for running.
I'm about to head out for my daily run.
S is for Strange Wilderness.
I love that movie, just bought it!
T is for time travel.
Would be so awesome
U is for university.
University of Houston, Downtown.
V is for Valium
Don't need those anymore!
W is for Watermelon candles
MMMM, makes my place smell amazing like candy
X is for xplicit.
Cody and I
Y is for youth.
Everyone wishes they were younger than then really are..
Z is for Zeplike.
A chill song by Slightly Stoopid.
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| 2009 |
[06 Jan 2009|12:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
happy new years to me.
feels like im all alone.
cody packed his shit and moved out and chris dedicated his life to the marines. i havent seen him in months now.
i feel like i have no one who really understands me and it's lonely sitting in this apartment filled with broken promises.
i just want to get as far away as i can, but i can't...
im just settling for mediocrity until something inside me is really ready to take the next leap.
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|
[18 Dec 2008|06:32pm] |
|
"You look really tired." is code for, "WOW, you look like shit today."
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[05 Oct 2008|01:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
jealous |
] |
And I’m grindin’ til I’m tired
They say "You ain’t grindin’ til you tired"
So I’m grindin’ with my eyes wide
Looking to find
A way
Through the day
A life
For the night
Dear Lord, you’ve done took so many of my people but I’m just wonderin’ why
You haven’t taken my life?
Like what the hell am I doin right?
My life.
-Lil Wayne
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|
| poopie |
[26 Sep 2008|12:16am] |
poopoopeedoo
123 122 121 120
115 114 113 112 110
111 110 109 108
107 106 105
104 103 102
101 100
99
I needed to post this,
just to remind myself what I am fighting for.
God I hope, come sunday,
I can cross off a few of those numbers.
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| i feel eternal. |
[21 Sep 2008|01:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
weird |
] |
my outlook constantly varies from one extreme to the other. my ideas flow through my mind so fast that it's impossible to grasp them and turn them into anything constructive. or, at times i feel so BLAH.... like im stuck in a thick, endless, fucking lingering fog.
im weary of how people perceive me mostly because my infatuation with my appearance consumes me. i just want to be naturally beautiful without all the rest. and i hate how i feel like there is no end to my improvements because i believe that im that peculiar.
religion can be made into an obsession, just like any addiction. people manage to take anything to the extreme.
to be honest, i feel wrapped up in myself in all the wrong ways. i perceive my mom like that... like how she comes across fake and it really irritates me and i act like a total bitch to her. and i say things that are like daggers to their hearts and i feel awful about it later. and my priorities are fucking wrong.
i so don't want chris to regret it if he joins the marines.
i just dont know anymore
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| patience |
[21 Sep 2008|12:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 geeked up |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
lil flip |
] |
when i look back over the course of the past year or so, i cant help but to smile. i feel on top of the world and there's so much more to come. i love my family despite all the rest. all the conflict and frustration resulted in a much needed and deeper connection for us all.
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